take the sixth exit (Venice)
2024
Performance, 12 minutes
Her: Abbie?
Me: Yes, I’m here. Will you come out of there now?
Her: No.
Me: Please? For me?
Her: It’s not safe out there!
Me: Its safe for now. I promise. He’s gone.
Her: Why can’t you come in here?
Me: That’s what you always say. And then you never want us to come out again. And we go right back to where we started.
Her: Because it’s safer in here?
Me: You just think it’s safer. But you’ve never been out here. So how could you know?
Her: It just looks scary out there.
Me: Ok. Well, I’d really like to talk to you.
Her: Can I stay in here?
Me: Yes. Ok. You can stay in there. That wasn’t very nice, was it?
Her: No. I don’t like it when he shouts. Did I do something wrong?
Me: No darling.
Her: Then why did he shout at me like that?
Me: I think he’s just angry at the world. But that doesn’t give him the right to treat you this way.
Her: It’s ok. He doesn’t mean it, really.
‘
Me: No, no – It’s not fair on you.
Her: Well, I’m sure he’ll be nice again soon.
Me: And what about when he stops being nice again?
Her: Well, I can hide in here.
Me: Why do you let him do this?
Her: Because I love him. I have to.
Me: What about the other people he hurt? Don’t you love them too?
Her: Of course I love them.
Me: So why do you protect him? Why didn’t you tell the police where they were?
Her: I thought it would make him love me.
Me: You know, there are so many other people that love you.
Her: Like who?
Me: Well, there’s me for a start. I know I haven’t always made you feel that way, but I’m really trying to show you now. Will you come out of there and let me show you?
Her: I can’t
Me: Why?
Her: I can’t leave him on his own. What if he needs me?
Me: Didn’t he leave you on your own when you needed him?
Her: He had to. He had to be with her. She got so poorly.
Me: She’s always going to be poorly, poppet.
Her: Is that why he’s so angry?
Me: Yes – I think that’s a big part of it.
Her: So, he’s always going to be angry?
Me: Well, it always happens again. He seems to find it hard to listen.
Her: Can’t you just make him listen?
Me: But.. what if.. next time, he hits us?
Her: He’d never do that!
Me: I never thought he’d do it to them. But I saw it with my own eyes.
Her: But, but, maybe he’s poorly too! And he needs us to help make him better!
Me: I think he probably is, poppet. But he doesn’t seem to want to make himself better.
Her: Can’t you just try?
Me: I have tried. So many times. But it’s very difficult to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.
Her: So, what do we do?
Me: Well, I was thinking it might be time for me to try to help you, instead.
Her: How?
Me: By being brave enough for the both of us! Look – I’m right here. Can you see me?
Her: Who are all those other people?
Me: [Looking around at the audience] They’re here to show you how brave I can be. I think some of them might even want to help you. And we haven't hurt you. Not like he has.
Her: What if they run away?
Me: What?
Her: Don’t they always run away?
Me: Well, even if they do, you’ll always have me.
Her: What if that’s not enough?
Me: It is enough. We are enough. You know, we shouldn’t even be having this conversation here.
Her: Why?
Me: This was supposed to be a conversation between me and him. That’s what they should be watching, right now. I was going to tell him something. Something very painful. Something that took me years to work up the courage to tell, for fear of his reaction. But something I hoped would finally help him understand me a little better, or at least bring us closer together. I promise I’ll tell you when you’re a bit older. But for now, would you mind closing your ears so I can speak to the adults?
Her: Okay! (la la la la la la la la la la……)
Me: This was supposed to be a conversation between me and him, where I finally tell him about my abortion. And it was going to be so heartfelt and wholesome and injected with reams of empathy and compassion. But.. but.. the day I planned to tell him, well, it all kicked off, and then the baby
Her: What’s an abortion?
Me: Abbie! I told you no to listen!
Her: I’m sorry.
Me: No, no its okay. You don’t need to worry about that just yet. But I do want you to know – that you can always talk to me. Ok? You can tell me anything. And I promise I’ll never get angry.
Her: Ok.
Him: Abbie. Come here now.
Her: Hide!
Me: Abbie come here, come here, quickly!
Her: I can’t, he’ll see me! Come in here, with me! Come and hide!
Me: Abbie, please darling, just come out here. I’ll keep you safe, I promise.
Her: I can’t! I’m scared!
Me: Ok, ok – I’m coming to get you.
I climb into the skip filled with water and begin to wash the clay from my body.
Her: Is he gone?
Me: Yes, I think so. We need to get out of here now.
Her: Why?
Me: We can’t keep seeking comfort in the people that hurt us, Abbie.
Her: Will you go first and check that its safe?
Me: It is safe, Abbie. We’ve done this before. You can trust me, okay? Take my hand. You have to promise me you won’t let go.
Her: I promise.
Me: Promise, promise?
Her: I promise.
Me: Ok.
Iva: Abbie!
